Hug that Child!

Photo by eberhard 🖐 grossgasteiger on Unsplash

It took me a while but I am finally woman enough to admit it. I used to be afraid of being happy. I was afraid of experiencing joy. 

It might seem silly, I know. But cherophobia is more common than we care to admit. 

I think much of my fear stemmed from the false narratives I was fed as a child. "After laughing is crying" I would often hear. Whether it was on the basketball court, at school, or home. It did not take long for me to associate joy and sadness. I came to view happiness as a preamble to mourning.

Photo by eberhard 🖐 grossgasteiger on Unsplash

After hours of playing basketball or swimming in the river without my mother's permission, I would come home to a waiting belt. No matter how much I enjoyed myself that joy was overshadowed by the punishment. 

I had my first and only birthday party at 12 years old. I enjoyed it. But soon after that, I lost most of my friends who came to the party. Part of me wished my mother had never thrown me a party for them to come and eat my snacks. The joy of that party was overshadowed by regret. 

When I grew older, our family gatherings seemed to be succeeded by mourning. We considered not having more celebratory activities but nobody can stop reggae. 

Even as an adult I realize that I am afraid to talk about my triumphs because I don't want to jinx myself. I often refrain from fun activities because I am afraid something terrible will happen. I also realize that I am prone to sabotage my relationships when they feel good. I am afraid that they are too good to be true and so I bow out. 

Photo by Anderson Shillingford

I am now at a place where I do not shy away from possible happiness or things that will bring me joy. I also tend to avoid situations that may mess with my chi. My exuberance is sacred; too sacred to be jeopardized. I am nursing my inner child. She needs to understand that it is okay to be happy, to smile, and to rejoice. There is nothing wrong with being joyful. And joy does not necessarily have to be followed by despair. However, if it is, that is okay. It is all part of life. 

I have come to realize that taking back your power does not only involve burning false narratives but doing the inner work. Taking your power back has a lot to do with you reaching within and hugging your inner child. Taking back your power often involves you fighting for joy. 

I am more intentional with my energy, my smile and my joy. Joy is a powerful thing. It transforms. It looks good on everyone. 

Why don't you try it? And even share it? Bring your circle with you on your journey back to joy. 

Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash

Have you ever been afraid of joy? How do you plan to take your power back?

Affirmation:

I am worthy of joy. 

I deserve to be happy. 

I celebrate my victories.

I am not afraid of praises.